I have a new friend over the direct connect on my Nextel. It started off as a prank call (which I get a surprising number of on my direct connect), and we ended up talking for quite some time. Interesting how people evolve along with technology. I’ll update you as I go along.

Another sign that you’re getting old is when you only get Oil and Vinegar on your salad. Food has a lot to do with getting old I’ve noticed.

With all the people in this world, how is it possible to be so lonely? And why does one person’s opinion and feelings matter so much? Unanswerable questions.

I purchased some Bacardi 0, that new orange drink of theirs, and when I popped the cap, I expected some gorgeous black-haired, olive-skinned ladies to burst through my door and dance with me in a suspiciously sexual way, as their commercials seem to suggest. Needless to say, this did not occur, however, a few gorgeous …

I’ve learned that the key to going to a wedding is to make yourself better looking than the groom so that the bride will think “Why aren’t I marrying that guy?” Just kidding, Tim, you’re almost as attractive as me.

Do you ever find yourself thinking, “God, would it be all that bad if I had superpowers?”

There’s a business across the street from my apartment with these giant spot lights, and every time I go out to smoke, I mean, sit and enjoy the weather, I see these huge lights flashing towards the heavens. What on Earth do they need those for? However, they do give the illusion of an Aurora …

I can go through life without a lot of things, and cheese is not one of them.

It occurred to me that “The Rainbow Connection” is the only song I know about rainbows.

In my lifetime, 22 years to be precise, I have spontaneously bought a basketball on 4 different occasions. That seems excessive, but the national average is actually 2 spontaneous basketball purchases in a lifetime, and since my mother always told me I was “above average,” I figure I’m doing alright.