Have you ever been getting a massage and thought to yourself “would it be inappropriate for me to tell her that I orgasmed twice?”  Me neither, I was just asking.

Do you ever think that maybe this webcam girl that just friended you on myspace really is just new to town and looking for friends?  Me neither, I was just asking.

Have you ever been so proud of yourself for eating all of the fruits and vegetables you bought recently before they went rotten, that you immediately run out to the store to reward yourself, buy more fruits and vegetables, which subsequently rot?  Me neither, I was just asking.

Have you ever been having a serious conversation with someone, and all you can think is “What if I could shoot lasers out of my fingers?  Man, that would be awesome.”  Me neither, I was just asking.

(contributed, more or less, by faithful reader and friend Tammy) Do you ever feel like the friend you keep rejecting on myspace could be your one true love?  Me neither, I was just asking.

Do you ever clean out your car, think to yourself “I’m going to keep this thing clean this time,” then immediately urinate in the backseat just out of habit?  Me neither, I was just asking.

Do you ever smell the pants you’ve been wearing for three straight days, think “hmmm, borderline,” then put them back on and wear them for two more days?  Me neither, I was just asking.

Do you ever think, “Man, I haven’t seen the movie Ladyhawk enough?” Me neither, I was just asking.

Have you ever been talking to yourself in your car, and you think of something funny, so you laugh a little bit. Then about 2 minutes later you actually say what you were thinking out loud and you pretend like you just thought of it? Me neither, I was just asking.

Have you ever been drinking hooch with the mayor, when that bastard monkey walks in, raving about some musical soap dish that he met in one of his thousand acid trips, which he never shuts up about, and the first thing you say is “How did you get out of the fridge?â€? Me neither, I …