Have you ever been to a massage place, heard the new age-y background music they play, and thought to yourself “I think I have this album”?  Me neither, I was just asking.

Do you ever remember all the moments in your life where you felt like Screech on the episode of Saved by the Bell where Zack hooks up with Lisa, and you wonder when those moments are going to stop?  Me neither, I was just asking.

Do you ever go out with a group of friends who are all so happy you just want to stab them?  Me neither, I was just asking.

You ever have an “ending of Sixth Sense”-ish flashback of all the girls who flirted with you in your life, and you realize they actually were hitting on you, and all your neuroticism was ridiculous and unnecessary, and it never shed any light on yourself, but rather prevented you from being happy?  *sigh* Me neither, …

Do you ever subconsciously flirt with the clearly gay very cute male barista at your favorite coffeeshop, even though you are not gay?  Me neither, I was just asking.

Have you ever had two days in a row where you’ve been in a really good mood and you try to backtrack the two days to figure out what you did to cause you to be in such a good mood so that you can replicate that on a daily basis, but then you realize …

Are you ever at blockbuster and think to yourself “Oh man, I hope they have a copy of Undercover Brother in the previously viewed section?”  Me neither, I was just asking.

Have you ever folded your batman underwear, set it next to your Homer Simpson and Scooby-Doo underwear (complete with the phrase “Peace and Ruv” on the elastic), and thought to yourself “I really am a grown up now.  I’m doing my own laundry”?  Me neither, I was just asking.

Have you ever met a girl at a family event, thought to yourself “hey, she’s pretty cute, maybe I’ll test the flirting waters a little bit,” then after about two hours have it suddenly occur to you that though you haven’t met before, you are in fact related to her?  Me neither, I was just …

Do you ever practice your aim by peeing from about 4 feet away?  Me neither, I was just asking.