Have you ever been talking to yourself in your car, and you think of something funny, so you laugh a little bit. Then about 2 minutes later you actually say what you were thinking out loud and you pretend like you just thought of it? Me neither, I was just asking.

Have you ever been drinking hooch with the mayor, when that bastard monkey walks in, raving about some musical soap dish that he met in one of his thousand acid trips, which he never shuts up about, and the first thing you say is “How did you get out of the fridge?â€? Me neither, I …

Have you ever been walking your dog and thought “Well if he can, why can’t I?� Me neither, I was just asking.

Have you ever spilled cologne on your tooth brush, forgot about it, then thought your taste buds must be really screwed up? Me neither, I was just asking.

Have you ever been cleaning out the litter box and got curious? Me neither, I was just asking.

Have you ever taken your glasses off to take a shower, then when you get out and put your shirt on, you spot a water spot on your shirt, but with your glasses off it looks like your nipple, then you get really scared because you think maybe you came down with that mysterious “moving …

Do you ever obsessively smell the band of your watch when you take it off? Me neither, I was just asking.

Have you ever, in desparation, used something out of your wallet to wipe your ass? Me neither, I was just asking.