Now I don’t mean to get all anti-dentite, but is there a worse place to go than the dentist? My last few dentist experiences (with Dentist Surly) have actually been quite short and painless (relatively), but it’s still just a miserable experience regardless (or irregardless), and I’m always ecstatic when it’s over. You sit there on a chair covered in plastic (no doubt from the numerous blood spatterings from previous unsuccessful patients) uncomfortably waiting, and then when the Dentist finally shows up, the first thing he does is point a giant radioactive gun at your face, and darts out of the room. Then your mouth is thoroughly explored and conquered.

Dentists are kind of like cats in that they see something and I picture their inner monologue as follows:

– “What is that? I wonder if I can destroy it….. hunghraah (that’s a grunt while pulling violently)…. hmmm, guess not.”

Then the following dialogue:

– “Do your gums always bleed?”

– “Only when I consistently poke them with sharp objects.”

Luckily I’ve been cavity free for a while now, but waiting for when that all comes crashing down is the closest real life analogy to the fear of the Lord that I can think of.

I also noticed today when I visited my dentist that right on the thermo-nuclear tooth x-ray gun was one of those “How’s my mood today?” magnet things. The chosen mood for the day was “hilarious”. I’m not sure how I feel about a “hilarious” dentist pointing a pre-fallout cannon at me, then rooting through my mouth with a sharp implement like he’s looking for his keys.

Either way I live in fear for the next six months that my numerous bad habits involving my mouth (put whatever dirty joke you’d like here) is finally going to catch up to me. I think my dentist may have even implanted a tiny flag in my moller, a sign of his conquest.