So I had a Doctor and Dentist appointment yesterday, with very different experiences. It’s been a while since I’ve been to either, so I forgot what it’s like for another grown man to touch you in odd ways. But since my work has tremendous health benefits, I figured it’s about time I got with the program.

So I went to the Doctor’s office just for a routine physical, and naturally I had to strip down to my underwear and wear the little awkward gown they give you. So I sat there awkwardly for a little bit and then the Doc comes in saying “What’s up dude?” Not in a “I’m a white guy trying to be cool” way but in a totally natural laid back “younger guy watching the ball game” way. I said “Are you Dr. —–?” and he said “I think so,” and he looked at his shirt for a name tag. So he checked me out and said (still completely laid back) “yeah, I’ll get you a prescription for that” when responding to my “I think I have acid reflux comment.” And then he said “Alright, see you later dude.” Shook my hand and left. It was kind of strange, but at the same time I felt like he was gonna hook me up with some good shit.

Then I went to the dentist shortly after, which really is one of my least favorite places in the world to go. Luckily I didn’t have to listen to Lionel Ritchie or Kenny G, as this dentist preferred to listen to classical music. So I went in, sat down, and got the lead shield laid on me. The Dentist didn’t say a word to me. Literally. He said “bite” when he put the x-rays in my mouth, and other then that, he held a conversation with his receptionist who was in the other room.

The only thing he said to me was “Hmm. Looks pretty good,” when he was done checking out my mouth. That one comment was like receiving a compliment from a non-supportive dad. (“I don’t care what you think! – what? I did good?”) And then I left. The whole thing took about 10 minutes. It was hands down the most pleasurable Dentist appointment I’ve ever had, simply because it was done quickly. I guess I better keep up the good brushing habits.

(during my brief appointment, the dentist-nurse, whatever you call them, was like cleaning the drill or something, so I had to keep hearing that sound. Maybe she just wanted to remind me that my trip could be a lot more awful if I didn’t brush right.)