Dun-dun-duuuuun, dun-dun-duuuuuuun, dun-dun-dun dun-dun-dun dun-dun-dun
(that was my typed rendition of taps)

Well week five is done (done-done), and so is my soul. Okay, I’m being a little dramatic, however, there was very little good news this week. But let’s look at the good news first.

Did anyone else get a giant kick out of the “unbelievable-fantasatic-powerful” Ravens defense completely collapsing and coming 2 penalties away from setting the record? That was awesome. The Lions might be starting R.W. McQuarters at wideout this coming week because they’ve been so weak on offense, and they freakin torched the Ravens. Oh man that was wonderful. If the Bears can do the same in a couple weeks, I will be very happy. I have no doubt now that 7-9 will clinch the NFC North.

That’s pretty much the only good news I can think of. Now I know the Packers really needed a win, but 52-3? Shouldn’t that be illegal or something? How many Hurricanes have blown through Green Bay recently? And to add insult to injury (and for my fantasy team), McAllister is gone for the season. I don’t even think the NFL films production of the ’05 Saints next year will be able to make this look anything but extremely depressing. Can’t you just see it now, they’ll have the shots of the Hurricane wreckage, and then immediately cut to Joe Horn looking up at the scoreboard as it flashes “35-3” with some John Williams score swells in the background. However, if they come back and make the playoffs after this, that same film may bring a tear to everyone’s eye as we all revel at the testimony of the human spirit (The announcer’s voice saying “But getting crushed by Green Bay wasn’t enough to crush their spirits. And the next week the Saints came marching in…” cut to commercial).

So yeah, maybe the Saints will come back, but my fantasy team’s (in other words my) spirits were crushed by losing my #1 RB. I should have enough depth to make up for it, but we’ll see. Only other thoughts I have on the other games is that I’m glad Washington finally lost, although it meant that my “Denver will TOTALLY suck this year” theory is going straight down the toilet. Seeing Alex Smith’s debut made me kind of glad we have Kyle Orton. How sad is that? To his credit, though, his debut is on a pretty crappy team going against a very good defense. But rookie QB’s will make mistakes like that (BELIEVE me I know). Also with that game came the dumbest fantasy decision I’ve made yet this year. I started Brandon Lloyd over Stokley and Alge Crumpler (both of whom got 15+ points). How many points did Lloyd get me? Big fat 0. What on earth was I thinking?

Okay, I suppose I’ve avoided it long enough, now on to the really depressing topic. After week 5, I’m officially fed up with Jerry Angelo (Bears GM). Here’s a quick recap. He obviously had a grudge with Paul Edinger, so he dropped him, without really having a good backup plan. Rex Grossman was his first real big draft pick, so instead of trying to get another QB that could do something, he makes it so that Grossman won’t even have any competition (so his spirits won’t be crushed when a veteran is listed #2), which therefore means we will have no backup plan if Rex goes down. Every year he has new guys that he’s “confident” in. Here’s a short list of some of those guys: Chad Hutchinson, Kordell Stewart, Dez White, Mike Green, David Terrell, you get the point.

And then he fired Dick Jauron with one year left on his contract, and he hires an African-American Dick Jauron (ie Lovie Smith). Don’t get me wrong, I really do like Lovie Smith, but let’s face it, he’s Dick Jauron with a different ethnicity. I’m so sick of watching this team play not to lose every week. We completely rely on our defense to make no mistakes, and they have played every week extremely well, but they can’t hold out forever, and you can’t bank on them scoring touchdowns. That’s what the offense is for. I think to myself if ONLY Mike Brown could have gotten in the end zone on that interception return, because even though he returned it to the 9, we still couldn’t put it in the endzone.

Maybe we’ll trade Orton so he can come into his own somewhere else. QBs die in Chicago.

Every week we hear some new promises from the coaching staff, and every week it’s pathetic. The most recent promise was “we’ll use the shotgun a lot more.” How many times did they use it? Once. When we were down 10 with about 1:30 left. Way to go. This team had two weeks to prepare against a sad Browns team, and up until 4:00 left, it looked like we were going to win the “we’re not as pathetic as..” contest, but nope. Everything Angelo has failed to do is showing up ten fold now. I’m not going to listen to the coaching staff anymore, because every promise I hear has not come through, and every player that is “their guy” turns out to be a sham.

They better figure out something or change something fast. Now we’re going to play Minnesota who has had an extra week to prepare against us and is going to throw everything they’ve got at us. Our defense will be fine, but how long can they hold out? It’s ridiculous that I would much rather have them on the field than our offense, and I’m tired of feeling nervous everytime Orton drops back in the pocket and doesn’t hand it off to Thomas Jones. I’m just tired of this team, but I will continue to root for them, but I will not root for Jerry Angelo. The faster he gets out of town, the better it will be for the Bears. Maybe we can stage a mutiny where all the citizens of Chicago march on Halas Hall, torches in hand. I don’t know what else it’ll take. The stupid “Bears still in hibernation” headlines are only about two weeks away, I can feel it.