Well, happy Valentine’s Day everyone. Blogs around the globe are commenting on this holiday right now, no doubt.

And I guess I will too. First off, can we at least agree it’s a fake holiday? I realize it’s based on several different historical things, but let’s just run through the story real quick.

In 496, Pope Gelasius dedicated February 14th as the day that would commemorate St. Valentine, who was a Roman martyr who died on February 14th, 269 AD, the same day as the annual love lotteries (as well you know). The love lotteries were games where a whole shit load of people who had no love, gave a little bit every week, so that at the end of the year one person got more love than he/she could ever use. Valentine was killed for giving a candy heart to Emperor Claudius with the sarcastic message “Imperatur Amor Aparratus” (or Emperor Love Machine). He also left the jailer’s daughter a cheap card saying “You’ve got my heart a-Roman, Valentine.”

And so now we obey Hallmark, and buy flowers and stuff to celebrate. We also use this day to alienate single people.

Well, I vote for liberation from this fake holiday for single people. In fact, I think single people can celebrate that we know we won’t be pressured by someone to buy flowers or wine or stuff, but if we wanted to do something like that, we could. Or we could eat at a Chinese place for lunch. Mmmm, Chinese.

So I say celebrate, single people! Celebrate Freedom Day! Or Unencumbered Day! Or Chinese Food For Lunch Day! Okay, I’m going to lunch.

for more information on the actual history of Valentines’ Day